George Robert Christensen MP has today called for a Royal Commission into why Sizzler outlets are closing down across Australia.

The rotund Member for Dawson has today announced that he can no longer remain silent over the fact that the nation’s favourite all-you-can-eat restaurant chain is disappearing in front of our very eyes.

“The $14 dollar salad bar and buffet special at Sizzler is as Australian as Toadfish Rebecchi’s goatee,”

“It is a very important part of Australian life and family unity… [heavy breathing] their delicious complimentary cheese toast needs to be protected,”

The nine remaining Sizzler restaurants in Australia will permanently close by November with its parent company Collins Foods citing “peak COVID-19 impacts” as one of its primary reasons.

However, Christensen says this isn’t good enough.

“We need to look at local council’s response to struggling Sizzler franchises. We need to look at the brand itself,”

“Why are Australians no longer indulging in this delectable high-carb past time? Is it because of halal certification? Has it got anything to do with the gays?”

“Whatever it is, we’ve got to get to the root of it and we have to stop it from happening in November.


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