LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
After enjoying an official public holiday and a cheeky non-official one to make it a four day weekend, Australians now feel somewhat vindicated for having to hear about the Queen’s death for like two weeks now.
Although every news report starts with a royal update (still dead) most Australians can at least acknowledge that the carry-on would be much worse if Scotty was still at the helm.
A lover of any excuse for a trip to the UK, former casual PM Scotty from Marketing would certainly have loved the hubbub of a royal funeral, an event he would likely tell every person he bumps into that he would be attending.
Having gone out of his way to meet the Queen on several occasions, Scotty was a lover of all things royal and if he was still in office he may have even given himself the job of Special Royal Friend Boy for a secret treat.
“Not pointing fingers at anyone, but if I was still Prime Minister her Majesty would still be alive,” stated Scotty in a candlelit bath of his own tears.
“How many times did we ask you to save her God?”
“HOW MANY TIMES?”
In an exclusive with The Advocate, Scotty outlined how he would have given Australians a whole week of public holidays and at least a month off for himself.
“Plus a special memorial song written by Australia’s answer to Elton John, Tina Arena.”
“I spent all that time as PM faffing about men and women and if people can change gender or not and now we have a boy-Queen. Did I waste my time as PM?”
“Guys?”
Wanting to change the subject, our reporting team then ribbed him about his Cronulla Sharks going out of finals in straight sets.
“I didn’t understand a single word either of you just said.”
“Just pass me the bubble bath and go.”
MORE TO COME.
