ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Going to hospital can be quite scary, especially for those who don’t believe in modern medicine.
So in an effort to make sure his followers get the best possible advice and care, popular television food critic Pete Evans has released his own line of signature hand-powered ventilators that his disciples can use on each other should the worse happen.
Rather can clog up the hospital system like thousand island dressing stuck to the sides of Clive Palmer’s aorta, those who follow Mr Evans and adhere to a lifestyle that doesn’t include basic consideration for others can now receive tip-top care at home.
“I have two types of followers,” he sheepishly giggled over the phone to The Advocate this morning.
“Middle-aged women who want to unlock the secrets of butter chicken and enlightened Australians who do their own research when it comes to their health. This new product is not for those women. My signature hand-power ventilation system makes it easy to shoot air down into the lungs of someone who is resting in their battle with this so-called pandemic virus,”
“Often when the body fights viruses, it stops breathing. This device makes sure oxygen, nitrogen and hydrogen, otherwise known as air, can be safely delivered to the lungs at home. It’s handmade in Bangladesh, too. Vegan leather and the wood is from trees that fell over in a storm and crushed the home of a lying doctor propagandist. It’s also $499.”
More to come.
