DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT
A horny young couple have fornicated at home this evening shortly after doing a runner on an expensive dinner they enjoyed in Betoota’s famed French Quarter.
L’Arpége, a Michelin starred restaurant renowned for its unforgettable 13 course menu that will set you back $820 per person (without wine), was the venue from which the couple, Mira Aldridge (26) and Toby Williams (29), were seen sprinting away from after consuming a total of $2,544.00 worth of fine food and drink.
Witnesses say the pair were heard discussing doing a runner towards the end of the evening while at the same time playing a sexually charged game of ‘crotch-footsies’ under the table.
L’Arpége’s Head chef Alain De Passardoui was seen immediately after the couple’s unexpected departure at the now empty table, shouting swearwords in French like ‘putain’, ‘merde’, and even one that sounded like ‘camembert’ which may have been in reference to an unfinished portion of cheese on the table.
Other diners watched on with concern as the Chef yelled, with one table quietly miming to the waiter, ‘check, please’.
The Advocate managed to follow the horny young couple home, where our reporter duly questioned the pair on their motivations behind committing such a morally reprehensible act.
“It’s like foreplay for us,” explained Mr Williams with a serene post-coitus grin. “We live a consciously frugal lifestyle, and it goes against our ethos to waste a years’ worth of spending on a fancy meal.”
His panting lover, Ms Aldridge, nodded agreeance as she craned her neck back to suck down a long drag of a cigarette she had recently lit, saying there was “no bigger turn on than saving money.”
The photogenic pair’s naked bodies, on show for all to see if you were there in their bedroom as our reporter was, glistened off the soft amber light of a groovy 70s lava lamp Aldridge had picked up at a thrift shop for $8.80.
Amidst air thick with the musky stench of animalistic passion, Mr Williams recited an impromptu poem that spoke of the virtues of living within your means financially, and finished with a lyrical flourish reminiscing of the runner they had just done on their expensive restaurant dinner.
It was so beautiful.
