FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT
Coronavirus claimed more victims yesterday with the arrest of a gang of three following a daring bank heist in broad daylight.
At approximately 10:30am the trio entered Betoota First National Bank with sawn-off shotguns, forcing the terrified staff to fill hessian sacks with cash from the vault before making good their escape through a side door.
As anybody who has ever seen an action movie knows, the only way to successfully evade capture is to run into the main street of any town, which at any given time will definitely feature some sort of parade to provide confusion and cover.
Unfortunately for the gang, the cancellation of the annual Betoota Gherkin Festival due to COVID-19 concerns left the main street deserted and they were immediately surrounded by police responding to the bank’s silent alarm. Hopelessly outnumber and outgunned, all members of the gang immediately surrendered and were quickly placed under arrest without incident.
“This is bullshit” said a frustrated felon from inside the back of a paddy wagon. “We had this all worked out months ago. How were we supposed to know that public gatherings were cancelled? You would think it would be on the news or something, ay?”
