ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Reserve Bank Governor Philip Lowe has castigated a fellow shopper down at his local supermarket this morning for getting into the Halloween spirit.
Mr Lowe is desperately trying to cool the economy using a number of financial levers at his disposal.
For the past few months, the top economic dog has been raising interest rates to curb inflation. Doing so has made everything more expensive. Mortgages, rents, household stables. Nobody is immune from these rising costs, Mr Lowe told The Advocate.
However, despite all of his efforts, the Reserve Bank chief was dishearted to see that one hapless “cunt” at the eastern Sydney boutique supermarket spending needlessly in the economy.
“Hey!” yelled Mr Lowe.
“Why the fuck are you buying this plastic Halloween rubbish, you stupid fucking bogan?! I’m trying to curb spending and cool the economy but its mouth-breathing cunts like you that make my job way fucking harder than it has to be. Just buy food and pay your fucking bills on time. How fucking hard is it, fuck ya?”
Witnesses say the Halloween shopper was taken aback by Mr Lowe’s spray, with one telling The Advocate that the nation’s peak financial mind didn’t stop there.
“He saw someone with a space heater in their trolley, so he gave it to them, too. Telling them it was springtime which is no time for a ‘sanctimonious inner-city leftie teal shitbag’ like them to be buying a heater. I thought that was pretty offensive,” they said.
“Then he saw a display of Christmas decorations, that he kicked over. He said the first person to touch a Santa hat was getting booted in the head where they stood. Apparently, he’s been doing Muay Thai and fancies himself kicking someone in the head with his Hush Puppies,”
“I mean, fair enough everyone needs to tighten their belt but there’s no need to chastise people in public.”
More to come.
