Tens of thousands of Queenslanders are flying south this weekend to support their teams in their respective Grand Finals, after both Brisbane clubs make it all the way to the big dance in both the AFL and the NRL grand finals.

The Brisbane Lions take on those racist chokers Collingwood in the AFL showpiece at the MCG on Saturday. The Brisbane Broncos meet the Christian dorks from the Penrith Panthers in the NRL decider at Stadium Australia in Sydney on Sunday.

And of course, this rush of impulsive travel plans from the last Free State has prompted extreme price gauging from both greedy airline companies and southern hotel operators.

The price of flights for a return trip from Brisbane to Sydney this weekend has already climbed above $1000, at least double the regular outlay – which was ridiculous to begin with.

The cost of a trip to Melbourne was less inflated but still bullshit, at more than $900.

Hotels around Accor Stadium in Sydney including the Pullman, Ibis and Notovel, had been sold out by Monday night. In Melbourne at least one hotel had raised prices to match the demand, with rooms going for in excess of $100 for Saturday night.

It comes as no surprise to Queenslanders that the southern carpetbaggers would take advantage of our sporting glory to make an extra buck, just like it is no surprise that all of the royalties made in the mining boom have been used to build and renovate the stadiums that these matches apparently have to be played in.

However, while Lions and Broncos fans are being robbed blind by the capitalist pigs in Sydney and Melbourne, Queensland Police are urging them to make sure they don’t get robbed back at home as well.

With Queensland youth crime rates spiking to unprecedented levels as a result of the toxic combination of a cost-of-living crisis mixed in with the extreme social issues that were caused by forcing at-risk young people to spend the entire pandemic locked down in anti-social households, this weekend looks like it could be picnic for the break and enter gangs of the River City.

“Please” said a Queensland Police spokesperson.

“Do not leave any Broncos or Lions flags hanging outside your homes this weekend”

“Take them with you to the match. They are no good outside your house unless you want a bunch of little fucks going through your glovebox to find the garage door buzzer and then taking every shiny thing they can find inside”

“Unless you’re at home with the Powderfinger blaring… You will get robbed”

“All a Broncos or Lions flag says is ‘This house is empty because we got tickets. Please fucking rob this house”


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