Following the news that Channel 9 are under fire for their lack on non-white non-males on their 2017/18 cricket commentary team, there has been considerable pressure applied to Pakistan-born Australian first-class cricketer Usman Khawaja to retire so that he can add a bit of pepper to the the bench of knowledge.

The current line-up, that includes a panel of cricketing folklore, was criticising heavily for it’s lack of diversity, even though a large majority of Australia’s women’s cricketers to ever play professionally are still currently playing.

“Yeah, we could have hit up Elyse Perry, but she’s a solid captain, and she’s also likely to get a call up for the Matildas in the near future” said a Cricket Australia spokesperson.

“After all the uproar from Twitter, Khawaja was our only real option”

“That was only after we offered Ian Healey another million dollars to convert to Islam, and unsuccessfully attempted to blackmail Mark Nicholas into having his gender reassigned at gun point”

As one of three POC (people of colour) to represent Australia at the highest level since Eddie Gilbert, Cricket Australia reached out to Khawaja, due to the fact that Roy Symonds was unable to be contacted as he was deep sea fishing somewhere off Cairns, and prominent Indigenous 3-tonner Dizzy Gillespie wasn’t willing to take the pay cut.

Khawaja, who currently represents Queensland, made his first-class cricket debut for New South Wales in 2008. He played his first match for the Australia national cricket team in January 2011.

It is believed that Khawaja isn’t interested in paraded around as a token Sub-Continental Muslim-Australian and would prefer to just play cricket.

“Look, if I retire, then the selectors will go under fire for lack of diversity in the actual side” he said.

“I think I should keep chipping away here as a player and hopefully Cricket Australia can swallow their pride and make amends with Roy”



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