5 November, 2016. 13:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

THERE’S A LOT OF THINGS on Greg Murray’s mind today.

His son doesn’t like cricket, he likes soccer. His wife asked him to mow the lawn this morning, which he did without argument – even though it took up almost all his Saturday sit down time.

Just last week, his daughter’s new boyfriend turned down a cold VB tin over lunch for a glass of Chardonnay. The 58-year-old also agrees that former hero Kevin Pietersen is a piss poor replacement for the late Tony Greig.

“Look, mate. I didn’t mind that chinless Saffa wanker, he had a good insight into the game and he gelled well with the other blokes. But this half-sleeve self-described legend is a bit much. Throw Michael Clarke in there and it’s just unwatchable.” he said.

“But Nine has the best coverage and camera work. It’s really on another level. It’s just a shame that they got their commentary team from under a lemon tree. I’d rather they play the Best of Smash Mouth on repeat with the red ball game. Seriously.” he explained. “The government tortures asylum seekers with Smash Mouth’s music.”

So prior to the lunch break, the semi-retired St Kilda air-conditioning technician set a goal of sinking half a block of green tins with the odd Peter Stuyvesant thrown in for seasoning. A log of Strasbourg also needed to be put away at some stage.

“It’s the only way I can watch the cricket these days. Almost too pissed to move. I might even bring a pot plant in from the verandah to piss on so I don’t miss any of the action.” he said.

More to come.


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