Minister of Home Affairs Peter Dutton has spent the last five hours at the departure gate of Brisbane international, signing off African Commonwealth Games athletes.

This comes after the hysteria surrounding news that up to eight Cameroonian nationals had disappeared from athlete’s village, in an attempt to avoid returning home.

Dutton says that while he agrees the pointless sports fair that was the #GC2018 seemed to be a good idea a few years ago, he didn’t take into account any of the administration that would be required from his office to stop our colonised brothers and sisters from pulling up stumps and staying here for good.

“I’ve had to literally sign off every departing black and brown athlete, just so I know if there’s anymore that have jumped of their mini-bus and hidden in Logan”

Dutton then let out a sigh and returned to marshalling athletes.

“Alright. You there? You boys look African, what was your events?” he says to squad of Ghanaians.

“Let me guess? Sprinting? [haha]”

While Dutton has not yet clarified if he is applying the same strict marshalling to all black athletes, it is believed he’s already been repremanded by Prime Minister Turnbull for asking Usain Bolt ‘what part of Africa’ he came from.

“How was I supposed to know?!” he said to reporters.

“Every second country in the Commonwealth has green and gold colours. He could have been a non-White South African for all I knew”




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