Andrew Bogut is having a hard time making friends at his new team, the Dallas Mavericks.

However, it’s not his basketball that has his new team mates turned off.

“Melbourne was voted most livable city in Australia – again” says Bogut. “I just really want the boys to understand what a great city it is. It’s so much better than Dallas – and Sydney”.

Bogut’s opinion isn’t out of the ordinary. Recent studies have found that people from Melbourne suffer from a similar disorder to vegans and crossfitters, which sees them sharing their unsolicited opinion aggressively with anyone in earshot. Given Bogut was raised in the Victorian capital, most Australian’s expect would expect this.

Bogut’s team mates, however, aren’t as used to the Pro-Melbourne opinion as Australians who don’t call the city home. “He’s been hassling us with this shit for the last four weeks” said one Dallas team mate. “None of us even know what a Melbourne is and nobody asks him either. If he thinks Melbourne is the best then that’s fine – just stop talking about it”.

Bogut says other cities have plenty to offer, but they just can’t stack up to Melbourne’s culture. “Like, Sydney’s beaches are a bit better than St Kilda, I’ll give them that. “But we have such a better scene down in Melbourne – like it’s so eclectic. Dallas doesn’t even have laneway bars”

“I just want them to admit that it’s a better city. Seriously, it is”.


  1. Dear Sirs,

    As a Western Australian and someone with a long history of interaction with these GST bandits whenever they stray west of the 129th line of longitude, it isn’t really my place to be offering unsolicited advice to this man’s unfortunate fellow ball-tossers – but I should like to point out to them that where they are they have ample access to muskets, spades, and oodles of land unlikely to be disturbed by the plough or visited by any mounted constable on patrol.

    The old ways are the best ways, and one should never lose sight of the fact that restraining orders or shunning are usually only used by those who can’t shoot straight and who can’t dig a decent-sized hole between sundown and sun-up.


    Ron Muppet

  2. This article is bullshit. You’ve got six or seven quotes from Bogut and not once does he mention how much better the FOOD and SHOPPING is in Melbourne.

    There’s no way this is true. After all, the WORLD RECORD is 5 sentences!! Guiness has it recorded as occurring during the ill-fated Sydney to Hobart of 1998 when a sailor from Melbourne gave 5 separate distress calls for help without mentioning Melbourne’s food or shopping. His run ended when they broke out some freeze-dried food in the life raft.

    Either Bogut isn’t really from Melbourne or the journo fell asleep during his Melbournian monologue and just made up the quotes. Either way, poor form Beetoota Advocate!!


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