As the fireworks, flares and the sounds of street bikes erupt across Western Sydney, it can be confirmed that Penrith is the greatest place in the world to be right now.

With the party only just beginning in the suburban paradise as locals celebrate the impressive performance of their three time grand final champions, reports are coming in that Penrith halfback Nathan Clearly has been spotted flanked with an extra special security guard, the 8th ranked UFC heavyweight fighter Tai ‘Bam Bam’ Tuivasa and fellow light heavyweight Tyson Pedro.

With every Penrith local dying to capture a quick selfie with the halfback from heaven, The Advocate reports that Bam Bam has come to the aid of the Prince of Penrith to ensure he reaches safe passage to kick ons.

“Nafe, stick wit me… I’m naht gunna lose ya bruz,” Bam Bam whispered into Cleary’s ear as he used his frying pan sized hands to part the crowd like Moses crossing the Red Sea.

“Romey n’ Critta already have a table at Flower Shop, we’ve got the whole place booked, stick wit me Naffth n’ we’ll be eetswa!”

Ducking and weaving through the Penrith faithful, witnesses say Nathan Cleary’s game day jersey is already the first victim of the night, having been torn off his body by a pack of hungry fans.

“Don’t worry bred we’re going shirtless” demanded Bam Bam, protecting Cleary as if he’s an American President trying to board Air Force One during a siege.

As deranged fans pop out out nowhere, Tyson Pedro is quick to take potential assailants with his famous leg sweeps.

“Hustle Nafe, we’re missin the fun. Lets ogays” says Pedro.


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