A visibly confused Joao Sousa responds to the equally confused "Fanatics"

28 January, 2015. 19:30

JACO VAN DER MERWE | Cricket | Contact

"The Fanatics" Australia's very own "Balmy Army"
“The Fanatics” Australia’s very own “Balmy Army”

Australian Supporters group, FANATICS have been left completely red-faced after showing their support for the wrong person at the Australian Open.

The FANATICS, who are well known throughout Australian sport, stumbled across a match where they were meant to get behind Aussie, Jordan Thompson.

Instead, the FANATICS were left cheering for 55th ranked Portuguese player, Joao Sousa who went on to win the match in straight sets.

Thompson, a 20 year budding star from Sydney, was understandably upset.

“I’ve never really liked the FANATICS but this really just shows that they have zero idea about sport” an angry Thompson said.

A visibly confused Joao Sousa responds to the equally confused "Fanatics"
A visibly confused Joao Sousa responds to the equally confused “Fanatics”

“In all the years I grew up going to ITF and Challenger events whilst sitting on the outside courts they weren’t seen once, they clearly are there just to get some TV time”

Lead FANATIC, Gareth Fletcher, was keen to give his side of the story citing it was all just a misunderstanding.

“We wandered out of the Heineken tent after 12 or so beers and thought let’s do something different and actually support an Aussie that nobody has heard of” Fletcher started to explain.

“When we got to court 16, which was the closest court to the Heineken Tent, we started getting a bit carried away with our cheering and forgot which bloke we were supporting”

“By the end of the second set, we realised that we couldn’t get free beers and nobody from (lead broadcaster network) Seven was out there, so it wasn’t worth our time”

When quizzed about his actual knowledge of tennis, Fletcher showed his true colours.

“I’ve been watching tennis for years! My favourite player is Mark Philippoussis. I never actually saw him play but his Bio on “The Bachelor” said he was a star!”

Fanatic’s founder Warren Livingstone was also quick to defend his fellow ‘Aussie Supporters’.

“I feel for the guys! I was actually hitting on one of the young blonde sorts that had been dragged along to get drunk with us at the time so I didn’t see the incident.” the 41 year old told the Advocate.

“But I mean can you blame them! In my day it was Rafter, Cash and Reid but today it’s Tomic, Kyrgios and Thana… Thani… Than… The Big Kokk so how the f*** are we meant to tell who’s really Australian”

The FANATICS were quick to undo their bad work by apologising to Thompson soon after the match however it can now be revealed that they got it wrong again and instead apologised to fellow Australian, Chris Guccione.

Chris Guccione, the 41 year-old tennis veteran was the victim of mistaken identity
Chris Guccione, the 29 year-old tennis veteran was the victim of mistaken identity

Guccione was left notably confused by the incident.

“I’ve been playing since 2003 and this was the first time that the FANATIC’s had ever confronted me” explained the current world number 969.

“When they started to apologise, I couldn’t believe it as I would have loved some support all those years but I soon realised that these pissed idiots had just made another mistake.”

Allegations have arisen that as a result of the Thompson debacle, some of the “more senior” Fanatics have been put on drinking bans and are only permitted to consume 15 pints a day.


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