Although the Wallaroos were able to provide a glimmer of hope to the future of Australian rugby union in last night’s match against Ireland, their stellar effort might not be enough to unite and inspire a weary nation burdened by years of Wallabies losses to Southern European nations.

The test cricketer pay dispute has also brought more emotional baggage and uncertain to our nation in these troubled times.

As the world rests on the brink of WWIII, with nuclear threats being exchanged daily, all Australia needs is a tennis player that wins a few matches and doesn’t abuse the umpire.

Unfortunately, he one thing that is supposed to transcend politics and religion is failing Australians. With the early 2000s nothing more than a tail light in the rear-view, Australian sport has been on a steady decline since the Olympics.

Politicians worry that exciting domestic competitions might not be enough to lift our nation through the current tribulations of segregation and predjudice.

Former Prime Minister John Howard says sport was always key to his longevity.

“Just make sure they are winning. Give them what they need to keep winning” he said.

“That’s what Hawkey did as well. Keating tried to pull back on the sport and thats how I got elected”

However, Mr Howard says he fears in the face of a media scare campaign against gay people, an imminent world war, and skyrocketing rates of ice use and domestic violence – our sport isn’t good enough.

“Women’s rugby is looking pretty good. But we need something that the Victorians and Southerners will get around”

“Cricket has shit the bed”

“I don’t know. I never thought I’d say this, but our entire country now depends on Nick Kyrgios”


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