EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

Feeling the burning sensation of two pairs of eyes boring into him from across the room, local man John Haversham lets out a small laugh as he gingerly fingers the brim of his fancy new hat.

What can he say, he does look good tonight, and despite those two pairs of eyes belonging to a couple who were both younger and far better looking than he is, John can say with utmost confidence that he’s still got it. A certain je nais quoi, if you will.

Perhaps… he pondered, the quiet, self assured sexual prowess only an older man can have, like a steed who’s not ready to be put to pasture. Or a pride male lying in the sun, lazily flicking his tail as to goad the younger male to make a move.

To meet his inevitable, bloody end.

‘But no’, John thinks to himself, as he tips his hat towards the couple to acknowledge that yes, he has noticed they’ve noticed him!, ‘there is no need for violence today.’

‘Only love.’

Puffing out his chest whilst also trying very hard to look coy, John tries desperately to calm his nerves as the sultry couple finally relent to his game of cat and mouse.

“We noticed you from across the room”, said the woman, her hair a mass of fiery curls and her voice like forbidden velvet, if velvet could be forbidden, “and we just wanted to say, we really hate your hat.”

“It’s really stupid and it’s making everyone here feel very uncomfortable.”

More to come.


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