Stay at home son, Luke Darcy (22) has arrived home from an obscure hinterland day trip where everybody who distantly knows the young degenerate can confirm he was definitely there to pick magic mushrooms.

Parents of the guest room clogging son claim Darcy left home uncharacteristically early, departing in his silver ‘99 Hyundai Excel at approximately 6:45 am and not returning until 8:20 pm with dirt beneath his fingernails and no real explanation for where he had been.

“Just felt like going bush for a bit,” smiled the avid VICE reader from beneath his multicoloured beanie.

Friends of Darcy state shroom season is more important to the high school leaver than any other calendar date, with his personal countdown to first harvest often beginning in February.

“I doubt he could even sleep the night before,” stated close friend Jamie Alcock (22).

“He’s probably got a bag of shrooms in his bedside table that’s bigger than any bag of groceries he’s bought before.”

Alcock hopes that Darcy was more prepared for his harvest than previous years when he got lost during his mushroom search and was forced to drink bong water.

“And I hope he knows he owes me about half of his shrooms after all the beers and smokes he’s bummed off me since shroom season ended.”

Darcy refused to comment on his personal debt to Alcock but stated his best friend needed to ‘chill out’ because ‘everything is going to be fine’ according to him.

“It’s all amazing mate! Look how many colours are on the TV right now, have you ever even seen that before?”


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