LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact

Employees at Betoota Eastside Reality have mixed feelings in response to the conclusion of a three-year study that has today confirmed, the office fridge can go suck a chode.

“No surprises here,” says junior agent Carla Tuckey.

“I hate that fridge and I agree; it can go suck a chode.”

Urban Dictionary defines ‘chode’ as a penis wider than it is long – and according to HR manager Ron Davies (40), performing fellatio on said chode would be a fitting punishment for the office fridge’s incompetence.

“I’ve got to keep my Mothers in my draw because they get nicked otherwise. I gotta drink them room temperature like a moron!”

While conclusive in the sense of determining the treatment the office fridge deserves, the study has drawn controversy for not aptly citing the single source of fridge’s misgivings, something the members of the office have numerous theories about.

“No one ever throws anything away,” states agent Sally Templeman.

“There’s practically a shelf dedicated containers full of mould and cartons of off milk.”

According to finance assistant Dale Hughes, nothing could be further from the truth.

“Is she joking? People chuck out stuff all the time! Someone threw away my half a Pad Thai from last week and I was going to eat that!”

“It’s always filthy,” says regional manager Ian Watts.

“There’s like a black puddle on the bottom shelf. I have to have all my lunches at the club because of it.”

“I don’t know why they’re complaining,” says receptionist Karen Nichols.

“They never have to clean it, I’m always the bloody one who cleans it!”

While the employees of Eastside Reality may not agree on the specific reason the office fridge continues to fail them, they are able to take solace in their unity for agreeing, it can go suck a chode.


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