23 May, 2017. 12:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A report commissioned by the World Health Organisation [WHO] has found that nearly all of the happiest, healthiest nations on the planet still allow smoking inside licensed pubs and clubs.

Denmark, recently named the happiest country in the world, still allows people to enjoy a cigarette with a cold beer inside. Patrons can even eat, smoke and consume alcohol at the same time if they wish.

Neighbouring Germany also has lax smoking laws and one of the highest rates of smoking globally. Yet somehow they enjoy a life expectancy on par with Australia.

“This will blow your mind,” said a WHO official.

“Japan, the nation with the highest life expectancy, has almost no restrictions on when and where you can get to work tarring the only road to your lungs,”

“You can sit down and enjoy a chilled bottle of wooded Chardonnay on the train to work in the morning and enjoy a smoke, too. Simply mind blowing.”

However, there’s more than one spot where the average Australian punter can enjoy some lung candy away from the harsh elements.

The Betoota Hotel does not enforce the leftist rhetoric of Roma Street and fails to bow to any chinless bureaucrat who tries to stick their beak where it does belong, according to manager Jock Campbell.

“You can smoke in my pub, I don’t give a fuck,” said Jock.

“Aiding to our isolation, we don’t really get in trouble for doing. Christ, the local copper in town comes in at the end of a long day and lights up,”

“Just let the boys and girls play, it is what it is then you die.”

More to come.



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