ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Though he’s not usually known around town for his cheeky penchant for a rice paper roll and a party pie, Ian Lawrence, or ‘Stagecoach’ as his mates call him, put two and two together this afternoon at a work function and downed them both.

He did so because a waiter asked him to, so she wouldn’t have to walk another lap around the E. H. Pearson Function Centre with two rapidly chilling finger foods on her platter.

“Go on Stagecoach,” said Caroline, the waiter mentioned above.

“Be a darl and hoover up these for me, will ya?”

The 34-year-old Volkswagen salesmen paused and looked at his fiance of 7-years Maybelle, who rolled her eyes and said yes.

“Don’t mind if I do, Caro,” said Mr Lawrence as he picked up the party pie and chicken rice paper roll with the dexterity of Charlie Teo.

However, that’s where his act of good faith and plan for a quick stomach liner came to an end.

Popping the pie into his gob first, he mashed it against the roof of his mouth with his tongue – expelling the molten contents all through his mouth.

“Fuck me cunt!” he yelled as he let the hot mince drip out of his agape pie hole and onto the floor.

“Christ all mighty! Fuck that was hot!”

More to come.




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