24 April, 2017. 15:34

ERROL PARKER |Editor-at-large| Contact

A South Betoota shopkeeper had his faith in humanity tested last night as he watched the TV Week Logie Awards from behind the counter of his local mixed business.

Walter Kowalczyk often watches a number of commercial television programs of an evening while he works, giving the 65-year-old an all-encompassing knowledge of what’s hot and what’s not.

“Honestly, my entire left side went numb for a second and I thought I was having a stroke when they gave Gogglebox, which is the cold sore on the face of Australian television, a Logie for being the best factual program,” he said.

“The only thing factual about it is its honest deposition of the bottom drawer of society. The type of sucked mango seed that eats dinner curled up on the couch watching television. It’s enough to make me want to go back to Poland where we savour our food and make it an event.”

Hitting back at Walter was a local spinster, Angela Cottle, who told The Advocate that she rushes home from her job at the Davidson Abattoirs to enjoy programs such as Gogglebox, Naked News and The Footy Show.

The 38-year-old day-shift meat lumper said that while she understood why some people think they’re above programs such as the ones mentioned earlier, she’s not.

“I used to like smart person things like the ABC and rugby union, but I had a near-drowning experience when I was 25 and my brain was starved of oxygen for like 6 minutes,” she said.

“When I woke up in the hospital, I discovered that I didn’t like those things anymore. I liked shows like The Biggest Loser and My Kitchen Rules, but Gogglebox is my all time favourite. Sometimes I’m glad that part of my brain died that day out on the waterhole. But I’d also like to have the ability to tie my shoes and play with my yo-yo sometimes.”

More to come.



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