ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Despite taking every precaution, one North Betootanese accountant was forced to take a precious sick day today after coming down with the common cold after a weekend spent doing everything to his body to run it down.

The greater Diamantina Shire is currently experiencing a common heatwave, which makes Connor Townsend’s diagnosis unusual.

“I can’t believe I’ve got a cold, at this time of year,” said the bemused 24-year-old number cruncher.

“This weekend was pretty tame compared to the last few, I didn’t even get that pissed. But yeah, it’s a full-on cold. Headache, sore joints and a runny nose. Mate, I’m at death’s door,”

“And it’s so fucking hot outside, I don’t get it. How can you get a cold when it’s 37 outside? There’s like 3% humidity in the air, it actually hurts to be out in the sun – and here I am sitting under an air conditioner with a cold. Ridiculous.”

Connor’s family GP confirmed the bad news to both The Advocate and Mr Townsend’s employer, KPMG Betoota, who said that while it is rare to get a cold during a spell of warm weather, it’s not unheard of.

Local GP Dr Sally Washbrook said that a number of lifestyle factors have contributed to her patient’s rapid descent into illness.

“He told me what he did on the weekend and now it doesn’t surprise me that he’s feeling sick,” she said.

“While I’ll spare you the details, I don’t need to spell it out to you what he’s gotten up to. But it involves binging drinking, drug taking and other risky behaviours. Basically, he’s played with fire and this time he’d burnt his little paw,”

“He’ll be fine in a few day. I told him to take Panadol and sleep. Eat nice things. He’ll be back in a few days. I hope, there’s been a lot of press recently about people dying from colds.”

More to come.




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