ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Stephen Kovari has had an absolute cunt of a yesterday.

Speaking to The Advocate from his humble Betoota Ponds studio apartment, the 36-year-old salesperson said everything could go wrong did go wrong, before paraphrasing the rest of the song’s more offensive lyrics.

First, his boss called him into his office first thing.

“We all need to tighten our belts here,” said his boss.

“Losing those two big clients means we need to trim the fat. Stephen, I need you to prove your worth to the company. Why should we keep you on board?”

Kovari bumbled and stuttered his way through a vague response that his boss seemed unconvinced by.

That was enough to put the already mildly-hungover Gemini in a bad mood.

“Then Jennifer, who sits opposite me on the sales desk, took her fucking shoes off and stunk out our end of the room. I’d ask her to put them on but her skin’s about as thick as service station goona wrap,”

“It was serious ‘fuck’s sake’ scenario it was.”

Thinking things couldn’t get any worse, he just missed the D45 bus back to Betoota Ponds, with the driver shutting the doors right in his face.

Forced to wait another 45 minutes in the unseasonably cold weather for the next bus, his phone died a mere 7 minutes into the wait.

But finally, as the next bus arrived at 8 pm, was full of local teens who’d intimidated the driver to the point where they all freely enjoyed few bus ciggies and a cold beer.

“Those kids were rolling stubbies full of piss down the aisle, the savages,” said Stephen.

“I had my laptop bag at my feet and it got piss on it. I was about to snap but I thought it’d be a bad look if I beat a 16-year-old boy half to death, so I just sat there and did nothing like the devon log I am.”

As the sun set on a day his day from hell, Kovari walked into the local mixed business around the corner from his home, bought two Chicken Tandoori frozen pizzas and a $6 bottle of Stanthorpe riesling.

“I’ve earned this,” he said.

“Because tomorrow is basically going to be the same old shit.”

More to come.



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