ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Equipped with more contemporary music knowledge than almost anybody in living memory, Conch Willis confidently stated that a popular track from last October should’ve been higher than where placed on Triple J’s Hottest 100 Countdown this afternoon.

“Woah!” uttered the 27-year-old, almost choking on his Corona.

“That’s bullshit. This should’ve been way higher than that. This is an absolute track. Triple J has no idea what they’re doing.”

Janna Smithson, a fellow listening party guest, turned to him and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, this is a tune.”

Despite his protests, The Advocate can reveal that the local cafe owner didn’t even vote in the schoolyard style popularity contest – not does he understand that the station’s employees don’t choose the order themselves.

Conch, whose hippy parents named him after a tropical marine mollusc, was so annoyed this latest misstep by the Millennial and jaded Gen-X population that he finished his beer and flicked the bottle to get the lime wedge out, making it easier to recycle.

“What’s wrong with Conch?” said one reveller to Janna.

“Fuck knows. I think he though Man’s Not Hot should’ve been in the Top 10.”

And with that, everything went back to normal.

More to come.


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here