ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Move over winter! There’s a new cunt of a season in town!
That’s according to Denise Roland, a polite researcher from Australia’s peak scientific body the CSIRO, who said recent studies have indicated that advertisements for hay fever medication often mean that spring time is just around the corner.
But that’s where the 67-year-old’s interest in spring ends.
“It is the worst time of the year for many Australians,” she said.
“That’s because many Australians suffer from hay fever allergies, which is the single most unpleasant thing a middle-class white person can experience, besides consequence for their actions,”
“Which is why we start seeing ads for medications such as PollenCuck and FluFrottage around this time of year. Winter isn’t over until you see a model jam the nozzle of a nasal sprayer up her nose and watch her go for gold.”
The scientist’s sentiments were echoed by a local hay fever sufferer, who explained to The Advocate that she often loses the will to live until around November each year.
Sandy Brimingsham, a elderly gent who has no sense of smell, wanted to make it clear that his nose gives him no grief at any other time of the year, just spring time.
“It’s not that bad having no sense of smell, I don’t care about that,” he said.
“What I do care about is not feeling like I’m about to die each time I venture out on my walks, which are often through a flowering field of canola like you see in the hay fever commercials,”
“But yes, the ads are working. I will be popping down the chemist shortly to stock up on PollenCuck.”
More to come.