ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Describing herself as a simple woman with simple pleasures, Denise Coleman doesn’t like complaining about things out of her control.

The popular local warhorse has time and time again called on the government to provide a stable, usable internet connection to her Mankey Valley donga – but has received no answer.

Until now.

This morning, the 39-year-old grader driver got word that in the interim, she and her fellow Betoota City Limit dwelling neighbours will be given first dibs at a local used DVD sale organised by NBNco.

“It’s progress,” admits Tim Dawson, the NBN’s representative in the Diamantina region.

“We know that all these hillbillies want in life is a steady job, a roof over their head, a bowl of piping hot potato gems lathered in smokey BBQ sauce and movies without a plot,”

“With the advent of Netflix, Stan and the like, it’s been easier find entertainment after a long day shooting local cats with a clapped-out air rifle – which I understand is a popular local pastime. However, with current technology, we can’t deliver video streaming to these remote parts of the area.  Until we can, we will provide DVDs and bags of frozen Hors-d’oeuvres.”

But that’s no good according to Coleman, who says she can’t browse the internet on her DVD player.

Speaking to our reporter through the screen door of her humble home, Denise said that she’s sick and tired of being treated like a second-class citizen by NBNco and the powers at be.

“How am I supposed to abuse my enemies on the Betoota Buy, Swamp, Sell, Trade n Free Facebook page?” she said.

“I always go over my data, then I have to call up Vodaphone and give them a spray for fucking me over again, even though we all know it’s my fault.”

“It’s just not on. Fucking fix my internet you cunts!”

More to come.


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