ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Aside from being permanently locked out of the housing market, persecuted for enjoying a popular stonefruit smooshed onto bread for breakfast and being forced to take out huge loans for his tertiary education, a local 25-year-old is remaining mildly positive.

Matt Dylan, of Betoota Grove, says he first hung a dream catcher above his bed because he thought it looked cool.

He regaled himself and anyone who’d listen in the mythology behind it and the concepts of its creation.

Interesting to say the least, he says.

However, as rosy as the Gemini’s outlook on life is, he told The Advocate today that he’s still waiting for the dream catcher to catch him some dreams that aren’t broken.

“There is no purpose in life,” he said, moments after showing us a meme through the shattered screen of his Mum’s old iPhone4 s.

“Everything I need or want is out of reach and it seems that the only thing I ever do in life is work and get pissed. I can’t even afford to buy drugs anymore because I’m too time poor to feel scat these days,”

“If there’s anybody reading this who is old as fuck, like I mean 35 or over, is this what life is like? Am I being punished for doing an Arts degree? I didn’t do three years of study to work in a cafe the rest of my life. Does it get better? Will my dream catcher catch me some dreams that have a remote chance of coming true?”

No, according to his father.

Peter Dylan explained to The Advocate that coupled with his son’s work ethic and mental capacity, none of his dreams will ever come true.

“What kind of red-blooded Australian man puts a dream catcher above his bed?” said Peter.

“Yeah, look. He’ll be OK. When I die, he and his brother can fight over this place after they put their mother in a home. That’s the only part that concerns me,”

“And another thing. Dreams aren’t caught, they’re built. You don’t get what you want in this world if you spend each Sunday curled up in bed crying listening to The Smiths, do you?”

Matt conceded his father was correct but said he was still probably going to retire to his room to listen to The Queens Is Dead on repeat until he falls asleep.

More to come.


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