ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A canceled Christmas-themed dinner has brought relief and pensive relaxation to a dozen French Quarter city workers who all told The Advocate that they needed a reprieve from this endless season of consumption.

Six players from a local league futsal team and their respective partners were due to meet tonight at Reece Stimp’s home for a Christmas dinner. Fortunately for all involved, Reece has COVID.

“If you don’t care, I don’t care,” Reece said to the Futloose Men group chat this afternoon.

“But I’d have to go shopping now if we were still going ahead or should we postpone.”

The first to reply was Canning Davis, who said he didn’t want to risk catching it and giving it to his elderly relatives at an unavoidable Christmas lunch in the coming weeks.

“We’ll do it later on, maybe do a post-season dinner or something like that?” he said.

Canning received low-grade alcohol poisoning on the weekend, and last night he went to dinner with his boss and got home late with red wine down his front and bits of vomit splashed on his jeans between his boots.

Across town, brothers and defensive specialists Mark and Chutney Mann also breathed a sigh of relief.

They’re currently on a booze cruise on Lake Betoota. Mark has severe sunburn, and Chutney is doing poorly after some other boat reveler left a slug of ketamine next to a sink in the bathroom (head). Chutney did it, thinking it was not ketamine.

“Chutney is feeling under the weather, too, funnily enough. He might have COVID as well. A post-season dinner sounds great, Canno!” Mark lobbed into the group chat.

In reality, Chutney was below deck lying face down in a berth. Listening to a muffled, slowed, and reverbed version of “House of the Rising Sun” by The Animals. He felt the Hammond organ solo smother him.

“Don’t leave me, Marky,” said Chutney. He then started crying.

More to come.


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