IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports | Contact

With only two regular season rounds left to play, the Betoota Dolphins are hot favourites to take home the Collett Cup wooden spoon after specularly winning last year’s premiership with a stunning last-minute field goal. 

That means that a Mad Monday celebration is just around the corner.

Though the season kicked off earlier this year after a number of complaints stemming from the ungodly September heatwave experienced last season, the quality of explosive bush league football has been top tier according to many competition insiders.

However, the dampen the blow felt by the wider Betoota community due to the wooden spoon inevitability, the Betoota Dolphins Leagues Club has announced they’ve placed an order with a local bikie gang to flood the district with special commemorative Dolphin-shaped ecstasy tablets.

“Nothing says rugby league like a good, old-fashioned, novelty-pressed ecstasy tablet,” said Dolphins chairman Wallace Crumlow.

“So with the help of a fringe criminal organisation, we’ve put in a big order for these dolphin pingas – which will be available over the counter at local chemists and bars from Monday week,”

“Now the only thing left is to try to work out how you spell the noise Dolphins make. That has been a local head-scratcher for generations. I think it’s, ‘eEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeE’, but I could be wrong.”

The tablets are scheduled to arrive at the Leagues Club late next week.

Do not tell the police.

More to come.


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