PM: “I Can’t Restore JobKeeper Because This Lord Of The Flies Scenario Benefits Me Politically”
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As Greater Sydney attempts to catch it's breath from the dangerous civil unrest that took place on the streets of the CBD over...
IOC Confirm That Having A Generic English Commentator On Every Single Sport Is Mandatory
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
The International Olympic Committee has moved to clarify an important TV viewership issue today.
Speaking from Tokyo this morning, IOC President Thomas Bach...
Local Man Finds Himself Placing Bets On 10m Female Air Rifle Event
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Local punter, Greg Waterman (35) has spent the last 12 hours placing wildly unfounded bets on extremely obscure Olympic events.
"It started with...
Ok, Tokyo Was A Good Idea
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact
In some breaking news from the city of Tokyo, it can be confirmed that the Olympics was actually a pretty good idea.
This...
Fire Breather Stoked To Draw A Decent Crowd For Once
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Fire breathing, and fire twirling is back! That's according to yesterday's protests in Sydney - after a since-detained man jumped at the opportunity...
Report: Mum Pushing It A Bit With 3 Tuna Bakes In 3 Months
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
An alleged cold war is taking place in Betoota Heights as mum of four Catherine Young has produced her third tuna bake in...
PM Consults Strawberry Farmworkers For Tips On How To Pull Off A Nationwide Needle Roll-Out
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
YOU GUYS SHOULD KNOW: With just less than 3 million people fully immunised, Australia remains at the very bottom of the list of...
Woman’s Body Decides Halfway Through Tanning Application Is The Perfect Time For A Number 2
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
A woman’s body has fallen into a rather unfortunate habit, having pavloved itself into needing a poo every time the tanning mitt came...
Lego Masters Winner To Receive $100k, Or 6 Lego Sets
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
In lighter news, the Australian version of Lego Masters has been renewed for a fourth and fifth series giving budding Lego Masters a...
“Ah Shittt… Almost Out Of Battery!” Lies Woman Desperate To Leave Zoom Drinks
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
During the lockdowns of 2020, Zoom hangouts became a popular way to socialise, being a little bit weird and awkward but emphatically preferable...
