Local News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Dennis Galhooley would be the first to admit that he's put on a few kilos in recent years, but his doctor would say it's closer to 20. A visit to his local GP at the Betoota Heights Family Medical Center today confirmed that, as Dr. Michelle Jones ordered, big Dennis up on the scales, and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA rather excitable young woman has prompted her concerned friends to ensure no glassware is within a metre radius of her flailing arms, having broken a record two wine glasses in one night with her outrageous gestures. Jamie Burke, a freelance writer from Betoota Heights, is alleged to be quite the storyteller, with her friends reporting that she tends...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact young man who laid eyes on the last Holden Commodore and fell in love has revealed to The Advocate that he's also a fucking freak in other parts of his life. "It's a good car," said Duncan Handmer, a self-described small e-businessman, who prides himself on being pragmatic to the point where perfect strangers are...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACTThe nation’s largest grocery chain has copped an almighty spray this evening as a Betoota man tries to cook his dinner. Despite branding themselves as ‘The Fresh Food People’, Woolworths has been called ‘a bunch of fucking morons’ by part-time science teacher Gary Campbell, after they shrink wrapped a T-bone in a metre of single-use plastic, and...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman has unfortunately come to the conclusion that she definitely couldn’t afford to eat out on the regular, after a weeknight catch up with some mates saw her calculating how many hours of work the meal cost her. Dining out with her hospo mates, who were all probably thinking the same thing, Dana Fortunati was unable to...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota ponds woman is believed to not only fulfilled but surpassed her duties as a best mate this afternoon, by offering up what might possibly be the perfect response to a hate filled rant. Informing her boss that she needed to quickly duck out for an errand, Chloe Parker is said to have been spotted doing laps...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Heights agency worker has this week been a bit obvious about her pay raise, despite being urged by upper management to ‘keep it on the downlow.’ Obviously assuming her boss was warning her to not go around and sing from the tree tops, Francesca Harding had celebrated her newfound raise by not only immediately purchasing hundreds...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA millennial woman has today announced to her friends that she wants a relationship like ‘Morticia and Gomez’, despite having always run a mile from any bloke who showed too much interest in her. Darcey Furlan was overheard having this train of thought at the bustling Keg and Brew cafe this morning, having spent her weekend revisiting some of...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA local woman who has no care or consideration for other people’s time has this week been informed that no one else thinks it’s an endearing quality, despite her numerous attempts to rebrand it to a quirky character trait. Danielle Hobbs is said to have regularly laughed about her inability to get anywhere on time, often just flat out...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactA Betoota Ponds HR manager has offered a teary employee some kind words of advice this afternoon, which are sure to make them feel both heard and understood. It’s alleged junior accounting employee, Kaylee Weathersford had gone to human resources with a complaint about her manager, citing that the constant barrage of mean spirited and crude comments was heavily...