Politics

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A young Betoota Heights woman has sat down with The Advocate today to explain to us just why neither of the major parties are appealing to her this election. Kirra-Lea Sims told us 'she's had it up to here with politics.' "It's like Bliss n Eso once famously said, 'It's like this land is either run by Labor or Liberal. But don't get it...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former Prime Minister and respected Northern Beaches community elder, Uncle Tony X has today completed his Cert III in VIS (Vague Indigenous Stuff). This comes as the The most-likely-outgoing Member for Warringah prepares himself for a transition into new employment opportunities. Uncle Tony’s dedicated work as a white man patronisingly applying band-aid solutions to deeply entrenched social disadvantage in...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The leader of the Opposition and How I Met Your Mother Enthusiast Bill Bradbury Shorten has today decided to jazz things up a little bit. Our country’s likely next Prime Minister (as long as he doesn’t Hillary Clinton this Steven Bradbury) Shorten said he was feeling like living a little spontaneously this afternoon. Not spontaneously in the sense...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Office of The Nightwatchman has today confirmed, that after some deliberation they have finally decided upon their official campaign song for the 2019 election. After a long night surfing Spotify, with 'Boys Light Up,' 'Lead Me To The Cross' and 'Be Faithful' all vying for the official song, the Skyhooks classic number 'I'm Living In The 70's'...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Two former Prime Ministers have spent some time exchanging a few battle stories and having a laugh this past weekend. In a sign of how scared the Labor party are that Bill Bradbury Shorten could fuck this up, senior figures successfully convinced Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard to present a united front this weekend, smile for the cameras...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact After being wound up by a few commuters on the bus this morning, an angry boomer has received some interesting news. Midway through a racist, homophobic and sexist tirade, the man was offered the opportunity to run as a candidate for the Liberal Party, in following with the nature of some of the candidates who've been making news...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact An always rational, even-handed and unwavering voice of reason has today hit out at the media for unfairly targeting her and her party. Pauline Hanson, who used her maiden speech to Parliament to dog whistle about Australia 'being swamped by Asians,' and last year wore a burqa into the Senate to agitate as much as she humanly could,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Opposition Leader and aspiring Prime Minister Bill Bradbury Shorten has today pulled out all the stops in a bold attempt to win over the nation's marginal voters. Hoping to skate his way past everyone else come mid May, Shorten has this week decided to throw the keys to his Nissan Cube in the bowl. With his wires...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Greens Leader Richard Di Natale had a prolonged moment of introspection this afternoon as he scrolled through his social media feed. The period of self-analysis and soul-searching came just moments ago as the former VFL player and current new age man got three back to back Coachella shots from a few of his old friends. "Fuck that looks...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The nation's Nightwatchman Prime Minister has today greeted some members of the Australian Lebanese community with a Yassou. It's not yet known why the Nightwatchman threw in the Yassou, a multi-purpose term meaning "your health" in Greek and often used by Greek people as a casual greeting. The strange cultural reference comes after the member for the Cook yesterday...