New Father Expecting Some Kind Of Brownie Points For ‘Babysitting’ Own Child
TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact
A local man who recently welcomed his new son into the world, his own flesh and blood, is today sitting on his couch with a confused look after his wife declined his request to go out with the boys for beers.
“What do you mean ‘no’? I spent all day with Tommy” pleaded Aaron von Harkle while attempting...
Marvel Threatens Fans By Saying They Won’t Understand Anything Unless They See This Next Movie
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
As cinemas continue to battle for relevance in a world of streaming, Marvel Studios have given their audience a strongly worded ultimatum.
Nearly 15 years after Iron Man (2008) proved superhero movies could be more than something only an awkward 13-year-old could love, Marvel Studios now hold numerous box office records with a new release in cinemas or on...
Substitute Teacher With Mullet Officially Ends The Craze
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The buzz of a thousand electric razors was heard across the nation today as young men from all walks of life decided it was high time to get rid of their mullets.
The catalyst of what is being referred to as ‘The Great Unmulleting’ has been identified as substitute teacher William Grambliski who showed up for a PE shift...
Millennial With New Home Loan Celebrates Making Their Last Million
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
The entrepreneurial spirit is alive in some sense in the newly developed West Betoota Shrublands housing precinct.
Local millennial Baden Podovic is the newest resident of the tightly knit community after securing a schmick new home loan that he’d rather not talk about unless it is to a therapist.
And so it was, the young man defied the standards of...
Man Forced To Stand On His Own Two Feet After Failing To Receive Any Undies From Nan This Year
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT
A Betoota Heights man has been forced to be a god damn grown up this week, after having the training wheels taken off his adulthood.
24-year-old Blake Pancic has had to deal with the very real problem of having to go back to back on a pair of dirty jocks.
After the second consecutive year of undie free Christmas and...
Desperate Fun Boy Raids Nanna’s Wardrobe To Find Breezy Floral Blouse For Splendour
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
One of Betoota’s most notorious party boys has made an impromptu visit to see his Grandma this week, as he looks to curate his outfits for Australia’s largest music festival.
With a few days to go before jetting off to Byron for Splendour in the Grass, The Advocate understands local Boost Juice brewer Sam Bender was...
Relief: Twitter Now Just As Toxic As It Was Before Elon
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Billionaire and budding Bond villain Elon Musk has backed out of his proposed Twitter purchase which means the social media app is now only as toxic as it was before.
Reportedly set to pay $44 billion USD to ‘own the libs’ Musk backed out of the deal citing that was really a bit too much to pay for an...
Bunnings Raise Snag Prices To Distract From Whole Facial Recognition Thing
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A great injustice has taken place at Bunnings hardware stores across Australia this week.
Last month, consumer group Choice revealed Bunnings were using facial recognition technology which uses video cameras to capture images of people’s faces as a unique faceprint which is then stored and can be compared with other faceprints.
According to Bunnings head office, this invasion of privacy...
Sexist Nation Has More Men Called Anthony As PM Than Women
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Although everyone basically already knew it, it has been confirmed that Australia is a sexist nation.
It's been confirmed that more men called Anthony have served as Prime Minister, than any Australian women.
Previously, popular Australian Prime Minister names have been Joseph and John but at this point in time, it's also been confirmed that 100% of currently...
Nan Gets Her Groove Back After Watching Elvis
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A local Betoota family has had to put some funeral plans on hold this week, after an ageing Grandmother appears to have been brought back to life.
After barely making it to her 87th birthday, local senior citizen Dorothy Walters is believed to have spent the last several weeks out of sorts at the Aged Care...
