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ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Some old cunt from Sydney has asked protestors at St Mary's Cathedral to "show some respect" today because they're burying their king. Roland Smith, a 70-year-old social and economic handbrake on our society, explained to our Sydney correspondent that the people who've come to hurl abuse at Cardinal Pell today need to start giving the...

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | ContactIn some good news, it can be confirmed that the tiny radioactive capsule that went missing on a Western Australian highway has been found by none other than the truck driver's mum, after an exhaustive week-long search. On January 25th, mining company Rio Tinto reported that one of their Caesium-137 radioactive capsules had gone missing from a truck, having...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A local man left court today after being convicted of a reprehensible offence that saw him narrowly avoid a custodial sentence according to the magistrate. Leaving Betoota Magistrates Court this afternoon convicted of public nuisance and a string of obscenity chargers, Dale John Clark of Betoota Heights appeared to be especially conscious of spreading germs...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In some inevitable news which comes as a surprise to no one in particular, Marie Kondo has revealed that 'she's kind of given up on tidying.' The huge admission comes after the birth of her third child, with the Queen of Clean seemingly relinquishing the crown. “My home is messy, but the way I am spending my time...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Local HR professional, Shel Monterey (31) has today arrived at her South Betoota office today with bags under her eyes and a wry smile. It isn't because she blew her mind partying over the weekend, and it isn't because of new developments in her love life. The over-caffeinated edge and satisfied grin is directly related to the fact that she...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact American sadmen Panic! At The Disco have decided to pull the pin on their 20-year long stretch with the lead singer, Brendon, telling fans that he's having a baby and won't have any more time to make records with his band. The news has left fans reeling with many taking to social media to share...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact There are growing calls in the automotive community to rebirth local car manufacturer Holden and put it to work making electric vehicles for the Australian market as demand for them grows expontentially. For generations, Australians looked to Holden for their automotive needs and the brand still holds a deep resonance with the public at large. Industry...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Qantas flight from Brisbane to Betoota arrived this afternoon at 3pm as scheduled. The flight left Brisbane at 1pm and despite expectations from all on board, it arrived without a problem and the passengers were able to disembark without fear, panic or even relief. "It was a pretty standard type of flight," said one economy...

DR CHET SPEVENS | Finance Expert | CONTACT Is your small business struggling to find new customers? You’re not alone. Many small business owners, including myself, have had a hard time adjusting to the post-Covid economy. We have been unable to claw back those customers we lost during peak-Covid, and we are now genuinely looking down the barrel of being forced to close...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the Federal Government looks to help ease the national housing crisis and achieve net zero by 2030, a proposed new type of power plant has piqued the interest of state and federal energy bodies. One major problem facing the nation as it enters 2023 is that there's simply too many people in Australia who...