Breaking News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The parents of a Betoota Heights 12-year-old have told teachers at Green Road State School that they have no idea why their son has taken to throwing stones at passing cars. It comes just weeks after the student was first disciplined for throwing stones at other kids. The Advocate can reveal that the student has been...

MARIO STRADLATER | Local | Contact Nathaniel Hicks (28), a public servant who has worked from home for the last 2 years, has broken new ground by having his third shower of the day before lunch.  The day started like most. While staring at a second monitor emptier than his soul during his team’s daily stand up, Nathaniel, whose official title is ‘project officer’, told...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Nearly a third of Australia and New Zealand has had their data stolen from Latitude Financial Services servers by malicious hackers and the the company's executive is nowhere to be found. They're nowhere to be found because the lender's executive are employing a series of tactics that these types of people learn when they get...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former Prime Minister John Howard has been placed back into suspended animation after his work campaigning for the NSW Liberals this past month. Mr Howard was frozen this morning and placed in a cryogenic laboratory at the NSW Liberal Party headquarters on Bent Street, where he will be kept until next year's Queensland State Election,...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact No one with billions of dollars wants to see an elite global banking giant like Credit Suisse shit the bed. Especially not uber rich oil tycoon, Rudiment Sprocket-Locke (132), who has for generations now kept his hard earned billions secure in the second largest bank of what was up until now considered the safest tax haven in the world;...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A seasoned grogman of local fame has stolen the show yet again this afternoon down at the Royal Commercial Railway Hotel in the Old City, showing off a bit of Wim Hof to the young fellas. Peter Cope, a semi-retired building inspector from the French Quarter, made the mistake of piggishly stuffing himself with mainstream...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact As the world returns to normal, students from around the world are coming to Betoota to study at one of our town's world-leading tertiary education centers. South Betoota Polytechnic released a statement this week to cheerfully announce that their on-campus accommodation has reached capacity for the first time since 2019. Their off-campus places and third-party...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Despite having a disgrace amount of people on their team, a local pub trivia team has gone down to a group less than half the size at the Gelded Seahorse's trivia night last night. Made up of 13 city workers from every lanyard-wearing industry imaginable, the Silly Sausages became unstuck early on in the piece...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT In news from Sydney, some new exciting tollways for residents of the Harbour city have been announced today. Unhappy with the numerous tolls scattered throughout Sydney, now commonly regarded as the worst city in the country, the state’s Premier Dominic Perrottet has confirmed that new ‘Footpath Tolls’ will grace the various walkways around the region. In the exciting announcement,...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A prospective homebuyer from our town's north has been laughed at this afternoon by his own parents after he asked them if they could perhaps gift him hundreds of thousands of dollars so he could put a deposit down on a proper French Quarter shitbox. He thought it was worth a shot but ultimately, Shaun...