Greens Refuse To Stand Down On Housing Bill: “It’s Not Over Until The Plus Sized She/Her Sings”
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The Greens have today made a concerted effort to hold firm on a major issue.
After months of going back and forth over the lack of action from decades of federal governments on housing, the Greens and Labor are still firing shots form the trenches.
The current government is maintaining that their $10 billion dollar gambling fund for...
Selfless Local Father Volunteers To Do The Night Time Wake Ups For Next 5 Days
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
A Betoota Ponds father of 2 has today caused a huge sigh of relief to echo throughout his household.
Bert Beattie did so when he informed his life partner that he would take the night time wake ups solo for the next few days, to let his wife try and get a fraction of a decent night's sleep....
Local Supermarket Just Raises The Price Of Everything For No Reason Because Why Not
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The greasy-haired fuck who runs the Betoota Heights Franklins has admitted to The Advocate today that sometimes, he arbitrarily raises the prices of items just to see how much people are willing to pay.
What Brett Chambers didn't take into account is that other supermarkets in the area also raise their prices along with the...
Greens Staff Told To Keep Their Euro Summers The Fuck Off Instagram During Cost-Of-Living Crisis
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
As the winter months roll around, Parliament House usually operates on a skeleton workforce, as the vast majority of the millennial and Gen-Z staffers make their annual sabbatical to Europe.
However, with the Labor party mostly employing middle aged ex-journos in these roles, and with the Liberal Party refusing to hire anyone under the age of 60 that is...
Cost-Of-Living Got You Down? Just Move Back Home With Your White Middle-Class Parents In The Suburbs
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The Reserve Bank is set to turn up the dial on what's left of middle Australia tomorrow by raising interest rates again to the highest rate seen since the Global Financial Crisis.
However, they haven't left mortgage payers out to dry like they have over the past year. With this rate rise, the Reserve Bank...
Film Student Recommends Some Boring French Shit, Just Ignore Him
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Life is full of uncertainties, such as the possibility that at the next event or get together you might get stuck talking to a film student who will yak on to you about some obscure movie that is allegedly ‘essential viewing’.
One thing that is certain however is that the movie they recommend to you will be unaccountably French...
JB Hi-Fi Finally Concede and Rebrand To JBEE Cause That’s What Everyone Calls Them Anyway
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
The nation’s premier home entertainment and electronics retailer has today made a big move to fall in line with consumer perceptions.
JB Hi-Fi has reportedly finally decided to concede and rebrand their operation after extensive community consultation.
Moving forward, the famous yellow brand will simply be known as JBEE, rather than JB Hi-Fi.
“Look, it’s a move aimed at saving consumers...
NRL Wonder Why Their “Stop Watching GayFL! Watch Real Footy!” Campaign In Adelaide Has Failed So Spectacularly
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The NRL brains trust has been left to hand out tickets to State of Origin tonight because nobody with a function brain in Adelaide would pay to watch the show after the advertising campaign they've been subjected to in recent weeks.
That's according to one local man, who said the "Stop Watching GayFL! Watch Real...
Hilltop Hoods To Join The Living End At Origin As NRL Look To Replicate J Lo & Shakira Super Bowl Spectacular
KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
South Australians have flocked to the box office this afternoon as locals rush to secure seats to the ‘Rugby League State of Origin Stadium Spectacular’.
With the gladiatorial contest almost sold-out, the NRL has today launched one final push for tickets by announcing The Living End will be joined for the pre-game show by Blackwood’s finest, the...
RBA Governor Philip Lowe Falls To His Knees In Circular Quay And Vomits Watching People Pay $40 For 5 Churros At Vivid Foodtruck
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The man standing between us and the inflation monster that's threatening to kill us all threw himself to the ground in Sydney's Circular Quay last night and just vomited in disgust after seeing so many people spending frivolously in the economy.
Over the past year, RBA Governor Philip Lowe has waged war against inflation by...
