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LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT As the rest of humanity tries to go about its day, the one percent of puppies are leading a more lavish lifestyle than the majority of humans who have to work for a living. Catering to this exceptionally wealthy clientele of puppy parents is Betoota Grove dog daycare the Paw Seasons who at $467k per day cost about twice...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact The Principle fund manager at Betoota’s largest super fund has today handed in his resignation, effective immediately. Adam Franklin’s (37) resignation comes after he reportedly found out that everything he thought he knew about financial markets was wrong.  “I visited Madame Minx’s House of Tarot down on Black Street in behind Spec Savers this morning,” a worried Franklin told the...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT In a recent case of ‘sounds about right’, it has been revealed that the nation’s conservative population has no problem changing pronouns when paying fealty to our royal British overlords. In what was unfortunately the biggest change to an Australian public holiday in recent history, the Queen's Birthday public holiday will now be referred to as the King’s Birthday...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT One of Betoota's very own universities has today released a ground breaking study. South Betoota Polytechnic's Anthropological Faculty has made public a landmark study which found that economics is simply just horoscopes for rich nerds. The 242 page paper confirmed that the 'science of economics is actually about as scientific as astrology.' The lead researcher on the report,...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A rusted on bureaucrat has today moved to condemn the emerging generation of workers. 74-year-old Bill Wilson informed The Advocate that he holds grave, grave concerns for the 'younger generation.' "Mate, they are just so bloody entitled," said the decades long public servant who just returned from an 87 minute lunch break. The Roads and Maritime employee who has enjoyed...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The coaching saga at the St George Illawarra Dragons has today taken another strange turn. After having their number one coaching target turn down their offer a few weeks ago, the south coast rugby league conglomerate had been keen to lock in another high profile NRL figure. That looked to have been achieved yesterday, when the Dragons revealed...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT A local RSL must be doing it tough right now after serving up an absolute scabfest of a pour with a full centimetre of air between the boxed wine and the rim of the glass. Before the gut-pinching universal price hike that we should all blame on Putin or Saul Goodman or whoever, RSLs were known for pouring wine...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT After the world recently discovered the joy of working from home, many employers are wanting their employees back in the office again as they’d rather have a miserable staff than be liked. However, one boss in the Betoota Old City district believes he can have both and really wants his employees all back in the office, primarily so he...

RORY SALAZAR | Finance | Contact It’s official. The renewable energy transition is now 100% complete after the government has finally given Aussies the perfect excuse to go solar. Right now, the government is offering a $260 rebate to any Betootanese who choose to bung heaps of solar panels on their home’s roof.  And according to Archie Treloar, who is a sales rep for Betoota’s largest...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT As the nation begins to curate their votes for Triple J’s Hottest 100 edition of ‘Like a Version’, it’s been uncovered that some of the earliest recordings of the beloved platform slap the hardest. A weekly segment conceived way back in 2004 before iPhones were even invented, the platform has helped launch local Aussie acts onto the...