Breaking News

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An old gibberer from our town's bohemian French Quarter has surprised himself this afternoon after fixing something on his own. Dennis Mulligan has been calling tradespeople his whole life. He told The Advocate that the only thing he's able to do on his own is change a light bulb and perhaps connect a washing machine...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A seemingly normal local man has this week shown his true colours. Blayne Gabbert (32) from Betoota Plains has revealed to his friendship group that he is still sleeping with the fan on. The horrifying revelation comes despite the Betoota Channel Country being gripped by one of the coldest winters in recent memory. While all of his friends...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the nation's largest employers of people completely devoid of personality and moral panache has been accused of more dodgy dealings this week. Earlier this year, consultancy slash accounting slash auditing conglomerate PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC) was found to have attempted to sell tax advice based on confidential information it gained while working for the federal...

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT Just like a former co-worker with a better job dropping by to see what’s happening, a young Aussie has decided to visit the UK to see what could have been. A descendant of miscellaneous British convicts, young Betootan Dan Toppelmoore (21) has decided to do a gap year in the UK because when your culture is ‘standard white Australian’...

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT After a succesful streak of Origin wins in the post-Lockyer era, Maroons fans are now asking if Central Queensland has got anything else to offer towards this imminent State Of Origin dynasty.  With a team stacked to the gills with the likes of Cameron Munster, Daly Cherry-Evans, Ben Hunt and Harry Grant, the people of Queensland are now demanding...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT In exciting news for the Sunshine State, last night Queensland was treated to a little taste of Dark Mofo after artistically slaughtering seventeen New South Welshman in front of a captive audience at Suncorp Stadium. The exhibition was the first time Tasmania’s midwinter dark arts festival has travelled interstate, after the Queensland NRL managed to secure a...

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT In a move that shocks no one who understands the game of Rugby League, last drinks were called an hour early in the harbour city last night after NSW sank into their darkest depths in years. The Advocate can report that last night the limitation of the sale of alcohol in Sydney venues was brought forward an...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact An unrushed young man from our town's cosmopolitan French Quarter has lamented the absence of stress and anxiety in his life, so in order to find some, he plans to have an 8 p.m. coffee this evening and watch the Ashes action. The final passages of play are proving to be extremely nerve-racking for all...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A regional Victorian has turned his back on conventional farming practices to grow apples and other pretentious fruits like pears, instead of growing something cool like wheat or sugarcane. Murray Bedbumper of Wangaratta has told The Advocate that he dreams of one day taking the training wheels off and getting some nice cows or meat...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT A French Quarter woman is today feeling a little under nourished, after treating herself to a pretty basic dinner last night. The young professional from our town's rapidly gentrifying outer CBD district said she's feeling pretty empty today. "Yeah a packet of chippies wasn't exactly the dinner my body needed last night," laughed Rachel Smithers, who vaguely remembers...