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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT The English Cricket team and cricketing establishment have re-claimed the Ashes, it can be confirmed today. Despite a ball not having been bowled in the 3rd Test at Headingley, the English are ready to celebrate bringing the coveted urn back home. The historic victory in the 3rd Test follows two resounding moral victories at Lords and Edgbaston, with...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Pauline Hanson has confirmed that she will once again be running her own race. The leader of One Nation has revealed that she plans to send out her own 2,000 word essay regarding the Voice referendum. The commitment to self publish what will surely be a sort after piece of work, comes after the the Coalition dominated No...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact One of the country's peak investment authorities has branded gambling as a "tax on stupid people" this afternoon in a heated confrontation in the front bar of the Lord Kidman Hotel in the Old City. Ronnie Fuller, or Eat_Sleep_Orto_Phel8_Repete_69 as the 48-year-old is known online, was almost immediately abused by a section of the bar...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT With the Little Johnny Scandal heading into its third day, the powers back home in Australia have today begun making contingency plans. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has today asked the navy to get their things in order, just in case our Australian cricketers need to be evacuated from the United Sookdom. The sooking of English cricket fans and...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT After an exciting 48 hours in the world of cricket, the English cricketing team have confirmed they want to keep the good times rolling. This comes after the players, coaching staff and greater cricketing establishment revealed they want to keep sooking for the foreseeable future. The sooking comes as a result of the Johnny Bairstow dismissal, which the...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Treasurer Jim Chalmers has issued a grim forecast this morning in Canberra. In a brief statement to the media, Treasurer Chalmers outlined the challenges of bringing inflation in line without taxing businesses making excessive profits and wealthy Australians investing in property. "It's honestly harder than the radio control helicopter mission in Vice City," he said. "You know...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Reserve Bank boss Philip Lowe is mulling today as it's the first Tuesday of the month. Along with the board of the nation's central bank, Mr Lowe will decide the monetary destiny of millions when they meet in Sydney later this morning. In his bi-monthly telephone call with The Advocate, the seemingly quiet country boy...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact England captain Ben Stokes has added to his remarks this morning about the controversial stumping of Johnny Bairstow, telling media in London that he sacked PwC partners in Australia would easy find a job over the road at Cricket Australia. The big Kiwi was joined by little Kiwi Brendon McCullum, who was equally as scathing...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The perennially underachieving state of NSW have today reminded the rest of the nation about how they simply don't understand Origin football. The wealthiest and most populous state did so by naming their team for the 3rd State of Origin match. Taking place next Wednesday in the soulless sprawl that is the Olympic Village out in Homebush, NSW...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Australian cricket fans have today received a rude shock, after learning that their team is not in fact up 2-0 in the Ashes. Even worse, Australian cricket fans have been informed that their team is actually 2-0 down! With 2 of 5 tests played, the Australians now face an uphill battle to win or draw the series, needing...