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WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A young man living in Betoota's Flight Path District has today revealed the details of a robust inner dialogue. Hendrix Chalmers, originally hailing from Brisbane's leafy Everton Park explained to The Advocate that he briefly grappled with the idea of doing something radical. "Yeah, I nearly took the leap and made something crazy like a pasta or a...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Daniel Ricciardo has today taken the next step on his comeback to the F1 grid. The West Australian heartthrob has revealed a short term deal with Alpha Tauri, which will see him driving one of their cars for the rest of the year. Known as one of the basket cases of the F1, Alpha Tauri have failed to...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has today revealed his disappointment about the NRL's dispute with the playing group. The accountant from our town's pebblecrete capital explained that he can't believe these entitled brats are demanding $50 billion from the NRL. "Mate, I'd play in the NRL for free," said the bloke who tweaked his hamstring and worked from home...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison has today told The Betoota Advocate that everyone 'needs to take a chill pill.' Speaking to our humble regional newspaper a short time ago from some ritzy hotel in Positano, Morrison said he wishes everyone would just give this Robdebt chat a rest. "It's a politically motivated bombshell," said the man who weirdly...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Alistair Cook has been forced into a second humiliating apology in as many days, after falsely accusing Alex Carey of another shocking act. 48 hours after airing some bullshit made up claims against the Australian Wicket Keeper, the English legend has come under fire for another completely untrue rumour. Cook has been forced to apologise after claiming that...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT A Betoota Heights man has been forced to start looking for a new job this week, after being unceremoniously shown the door at his previous workplace. Eli Ashcroft from Betoota Heights was fired from Toke N Sons yesterday after failing to meet the company's standards when it comes to drug tests. Enjoying a respected reputation as one of...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact Former prime minister Scott Morrison has issued a length statement from Italy this afternoon that outlines his refusal to be the RoboDebt whipping boy because he rejects the findings the report made against him. In the statement, the Member for Cook explained that while he was directly involved in the RoboDebt programme from when it...

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet |CONTACT Billionaire Elon Musk has today revealed plans to combat that new tech platform going after his new tech platform. The 'eccentric' billionaire has confirmed he's made a 2 billion dollar bid to purchase the new Threads app. Confusing the fuck out of every single person who has downloaded it, the Threads app has caused a serious stir over...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact The Australian Cricket Family has traveled to Headingley this week with added security, following the stumping of English wicketkeeper Johnny Bairstow, which has upset a lot of English people. Security professionals feel that the sporting dismissal has upset enough people to warrant full-time security for players, support staff, and their families. This includes former Test...

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A report commissioned by the Diamantina Housing Institute (DIA) has found that too much urban space is dedicated to a stupid game played by old barge arse boomers and their fuckhead children when the land could be turned into thousands of apartments for people to live in. The report, which was funded in part by...