LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Like many of the households of Betoota Heights, the Lawsons consider themselves to be a wholesome bunch of regular people, a true nuclear family that lives up to the name by having a seemingly volatile matter bubbling just beneath the surface.
Looking in, it would seem parents Julie and Tom support their children’s interest in activities such as netball and soccer from a place of genuine love, when the reality is they really don’t want them turning out like their cousin Jacob (26) who is one of ‘those guys.’
Julie and Tom’s children Alex and Mel have had limited contact with their cousin Jacob mostly because he lives about an hour away which is pretty far to travel in order to visit a grown man who spends his weekends wearing chain mail he spent six months making while Rammstein blared in the background.
“I don’t think there’s anything wrong with what Jacob does,” lied Tom Lawson.
“I’d be fine if my kids did that, as long as they wait until they’re a adults, leave home, change their names and never contact me again.”
According to Tom, he would like to have a relationship with his cousin if his impressionable children didn’t find the idea of an adult with swords mounted on the living room wall to be something to aspire to.
“They are not allowed to look him up on social media either. Turns out there are people who do what he does to a higher degree. Much higher.”
In an interview, Jarred Lawson stated that his Facebook profile which consists almost entirely of him hitting human shaped haystacks with arrows has not affected his work life.
“I get offered jobs at JB HiFi all the fucking time,” smiled Lawson as he Googled mid-ranged Damascus steel daggers.
“When I’m on social media at least I fucking kill a couple of my straw men!”
More to come.
