ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
In November, Artie Pert was a svelt 81 kilograms ringing wet.
Now, the 26-year-old is getting called ‘big fella’ by strangers.
“I’m not that big,” he said to our reporter out the front of Blowes Menswear North Betoota.
“These straight leg boot cut Levis are basically Ksubis now. Any tighter and my feet will turn blue.”
But his stone wash 501s aren’t the only casualty of Mr Pert’s abhorrent weight gain. This morning, he had to make a new hole in his belt.
“This is certainly a low point,” he said.
“I’ve made holes in my belt from weight loss but never from being a man of heft. God this is depressing.”
His partner, Grettel Pearson, confided in The Advocate and told our reporter that Artie has been on a bit of a hedonistic binge on all of life’s forbidden fruits this summer – and the results speak for themselves.
“He is a big fella now, that’s for sure,” she said.
“I’ve certainly noticed a change in his diet and exercise regime. The former is no longer predominantly plant-based and the latter has disappeared from his life altogether,”
“Not that I can talk, I’m about ready to bust the zipper out of my favourite Zimmerman. The silly season has been tough on us both.”
More to come.
