LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Proving to the world that she is on a health kick God damn it, logistics manager Katie Stoker (27) went up to the shops and spent big on healthy snacks.
After a particularly kushy Chrisy, Stoker is one of the thousands of Australians speed running for a summer body, despite the fact that she (like our readers) is already healthy, radiant and needs to be kinder on herself after last year.
Returning home with her food pyramid quantity of healthy snacks, Stoker tucked into her bespoke granola which according to the packet contains all natural ingredients and the energy to keep you going all day.
After enjoying a small bowl of the granola with oat milk and banana for breakfast, Stoker later snuck sheepishly into the kitchen to mainline some granola straight out of the bag.
“Ooooh, this is a bit addictive,” stated Stoker, who had now consumed more calories than she did before her diet.
“It says long lasting energy which is better for you.”
Well Stoker may now be ready to go on a serious bender as the amount of granola she has consumed is enough to power a small army and cancel out any gym session that she was totally going to go to later.
According to her housemates, Stoker was seen dipping into the kitchen for a granola break every hour until about 2:30am when she reportedly couldn’t sleep due to intrusive thoughts of the cocoa granola crunch.
“I think I’m going to have to take up smoking to quit this stuff.”
