LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
A Betoota cafe is under investigation following an accusation of witchcraft due to the cafe being fully staffed.
Previously, French Quarter vegan art cafe Yolk Oh, OH NO were known for their plant-based hashbrown & chicken salt flatbreads but since not losing any members of staff to the pandemic or the great resignation the only thing they are believed to serve up is eye of newt muesli with a baby blood smoothie bowl.
“We should have never let a vegan cafe open in town,” said one concerned citizen as he searched his shed for a pitchfork.
“How can they still be fully staffed when my favourite place isn’t even doing cold brew because of the Vid. How does that work? What about that means you can’t do us a cold brew?”
According to cafe owner Maria Good, her staff retention has everything to do with paying staff a livable wage while respecting their need for time-off and nothing to do with the allegations that of an evening she doth lay with Lucifer himself.
“Really, I don’t make [my staff] work when they feel sick,” stated Good, who appeared somewhat confused by the wooden pyre some townsfolk were building outside of her cafe.
“I’m also proud to say I pay them fairly and that’s why it’s $22 for a vegan ham and cheese sandwich.”
Good was forced to call the police as the torch brandishing mob that had gathered outside her cafe mistook her pot of lentil dhal for a bubbling cauldron of hell incarnate that would turn the town’s men impotent.
