LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
Commuters at Betoota Ponds train station were in for an absolute treat this morning as a fight between two fare evading passengers was the perfect combination of rich storytelling and being far enough away to enjoy without fearing for their safety.
The two warring parties who were described by one bystander as “either adult looking teenagers or teenage looking adults,” initially engaged in discussion from the end of opposite train platforms where each had each chosen to smoke an undetectable downwind dirty bunga.
Proving that a cheeky toke doesn’t always make everyone mellow, the two pillars of society began arguing when one called out ‘Nice fake Vans’ loud enough for the other commuters to hear over their true crime podcasts, which they discretely muted in order to enjoy the real thing.
“They were hurling insults at each other but they had to keep repeating themselves as they were both playing hardstyle off their phones and couldn’t hear each other too well,” stated one witness.
“I was sitting in the shade munching a cheese and bacon while it was happening. Fuck it was funny.”
As the owner of the alleged fake Vans jumped across the tracks to defend himself from accusations that “he guzzles cum,” commuters briefly feared for their safety before remembering they were distant enough to treat the altercation for the experiential theatre it was.
“I knew what to do, I’m not an idiot,” stated one witness in reference to the smartphone footage he captured of the fight.
“Here comes the best bit…BOOM!”
At the time of writing, the video of the altercation currently has more views than the freestyle rap videos the two brawlers have uploaded to YouTube over the past five years.
More to come.
