3 March, 2017. 17:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

In an effort to spend as little time as possible in the toilets while on tour of India, Test captain Steve Smith revealed that he packed an entire suitcase full of Tim Tams so he wouldn’t have to eat anything else.

On his first working holiday to the sub-continent, opener Matt Renshaw was publically opened up by a rogue beef vindaloo, which sent him to the loo mid-over.

It was at that time, Smith knew he’d made the right decision.

“Yeah brus,” he said. “Basically all I do when I’m in India is play some great cricket, eat Tim Tams and play around on my PSP after I get out.”

“It’s like being at home, but you don’t have your missus there to rouse on you when she finds out that you’ve been eating nothing but chocolate biscuits all day. Just cricket, Tim Tams and video games. Plus now I’m making bulk runs so no cunt is up me about anything.”

Taking a leaf out of Test great Shane Warne’s method of keeping well while in India, whereby the legspinner allegedly survived off nothing but baked beans for an entire tour, Smith says that the first time he toured there was a different story.

“Brus, back in 2013 on my first tour in India, Pup caught me hoeing into a curry I bought for fucking washers off the cunt on the street and he just shook his head at me. He said, ‘Oi Smudge, are you eating a fucking curry you bought off a fucking street vendor?’ and I was all like yeah mate, then he kicked it out of my hands and it went fucking everywhere, all over me and the footpath and then he called me a simple cunt,”

“Anyway, that thing fucking emptied me, but. Jesus Christ. Just Time Tams for me now thank you very much!”

More to come.


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