Australia collectively reached for the mute button today as the announcement came out that Michael Clarke would be stepping into the commentary box shortly.

The statement came from Mark Nicholas during the the final day of the 2nd Ashes Test in Adelaide, and was greeted by millions of groans across the nation.

OzTAM, the official television audience measurement body in Australia confirmed to The Advocate minutes ago that over 1.5 million television sets had been muted as Clarke started his shift.

Phil Wilson from OzTAM told us that it’s like nothing he has ever seen before.

“Geez Louise, they people must really loathe Pup’s commentary. We might see 100,000 sets get muted during an ad break in the tennis, or when Pete Helliar does a segment on television, but this is unprecedented.

Neilsen’s Ratings have also released numbers showing roughly 10,000 radio devices being switched to ABC Grandstand.

“Fuck off. I’m not listening to Pup ramble for the next hour,” said local punter Nick Walsh, from his lounge room chair in the Betoota Ponds estate when he heard the news come through.

“Nah. Nup, I’m not doing it. I can cop some of the other ex Aussie captains. Mark Taylor is painful, but bearable. Michael Clarke is not. Just listening to him speak I can understand why so many of his teammates had a problem with him,” said Walsh.

Walsh said he was elated to see the boys get on top of the English team and wrangle the 2nd Test, but he was just gonna enjoy it without volume.

“I honestly would rather sit here with an uncomfortable silence, sipping my Betoota Bitter and contemplating things, than listen to him.”


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