16 April, 2017. 17:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Commentators feel Australian Rugby Union has been gripped by a feeling of nostalgia, for when the nation was a relative powerhouse, as they announced earlier this week that they were planning to reintroduce a number of controversial policies from yesteryear in an effort to rebuild the code’s reputation.

“One issue we’ve had is that our players from rugby feeder schools such as Kings, St Josephs and Southport have been mixing too much with the public school students – which are a bad influence we’ve come to discover,” said an ARU insider.

“You have these players who’d otherwise be focused on their training, studies and life after the sports. Instead, they’re being dragged out to pubs, clubs and other sinful places were they inevitably come undone. Back in the 50’s, we’d never lose a game. Now, you’ve got these weak-hearted public schoolboys who can’t even tie a tie or use cutlery correctly. It’s cheapened the game.”

In response to those explosive claims made by the anonymous tipster, the ARU explained that the dressing rooms were now segregated – meaning the only time players from public and private schools can co-mingle is on the field of play.

The policy is said to be rolled out from a grassroots level all the way to the national representative side.

“We’re tackling this a problem at a grassroots level,” said the insider.

“It’s bad enough that some of our private school players went to a public primary school. It’s bad enough that they insist on bringing their female companions and wives to the games. We need to take things back to a time when rugby was unstoppable in Australia. Back to when we were good.”

“There isn’t a rugby fan in the nation who wouldn’t wish we could go back in time to when it was good, instead of now when preteens can pick their gender.”

More to come.


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