ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

From the ashes of footballing dispair, a great beacon of hope has risen.

One of the greatest sporting coaches of all time, Wayne Bennett, has thrown his hat in the ring to coach the national soccer team after current coach, Ange Postecoglou, announced he’d be leaving the role effective immediately.

Telling the media this morning in Brisbane, the 67-year-old said he’d do what he did to the St George-Illawarra Dragons to the Socceroos.

“I’d pretty much listen to them, they didn’t get to where they are because they didn’t have skill and talent,” said Bennett.

“Rebuild the team on trust and good culture, like what I did and have continued to have done with the Broncos. At this point in time, I’m not prepared to answer any questions regarding my time in Newcastle. That is a low point,”

“I will coach the Socceroos to World Cup glory. I will get that trophy and I will parade the fucking thing around Southbank. Just give me the job and strap yourself in for some explosive soccer. How hard can it be? I’d just tell them to stop falling over and crying. Turn them into men.”

However, a number of executives inside Football Federation Australia [FFA] have explained to The Advocate that while they appreciate Mr Bennett’s offer, they’re thinking of heading in a different direction.

FFA Talent Director Max Dellahyde, who is only slightly corrupt according to the NSW ICAC agency, said that it’s ultimately his job to decide who becomes the next Socceroos coach and he was able to confirm that Bennett is not currently in the running.

“We actually think he should coach the Wallabies, we’re doing OK at the moment,” said Dellahyde.

“While we thank Bennett for his kind offer, we’re thinking of getting another bloke with a European name that the media and fans can get behind. Look at all the great names we’ve had in past. Ange Postecoglou, Pim Verbeek, Guus Hiddink, Frank Farina, Graham Arnold and so on,”

“Wayne Bennett just doesn’t have the same ring to it, which immediately disqualifies him from being a Socceroos coach. We wish him the best of luck next season with the Bronc.”

More to come.


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