Superstition and divine intervention will go out the window hen Collingwood and Brisbane run out onto the MCG for Saturday afternoon’s AFL grand final, as both teams fight tooth in nail for a flag – in what many predict will be a close battle.

But the idea of a close battle is a little too much too bare right now for the Collingwood tragics, especially after last week’s one point win over the Greater Western Sydney Giants.

While the Brisbane Lions have the luxury of entering this contest as the underdogs, simply by virtue of not being Victorian, it seems the Collingwood Magpies and their fans are burdened with constant intrusive thoughts.

The Magpies’ last two years have featured a high number of close wins, but their last 100 years have featured many more close losses.

The West Coast Eagles cement this choker reputation in the epic 11.13 (79) to 11.8 (74) win against Collingwood at the 2018 Grand Final, becoming just the second non-Victorian club to win the premiership since their last flag in 2006.

As the Queenslanders begin gentle preparations down in Melbourne this week, the rest of the city is brimming with anxiety.

For non-Collingwood fans, they live in fear of the most hated team in the competition not fucking it up.

But for Collingwood fans, there is the overwhelming feelings of dread and pessimism that they might do what they are best at.

And there is no one more nervous this week than former Magpies President and media identity, Eddie McGuire.

Driving home from work today in his Mercedes Benz E-Class, Eddie McGuire cannot help but see bad omens everywhere.

“Oh no” he whispers, after spotting a lady at pedestrian crossing wearing a choker.

“That better not be a sign”

He takes a deep breath and tries to distract himself, but the truck in front of him screeches the breaks after clipping an actual magpie.

“NO!” he says.

The force of the sudden half causes the truck spill it’s load of brand new wall mirrors onto the street. They smash into a million pieces.

“MAKE IT STOP!” he roars.

As he makes his way home, he decides to pick up a newspaper to catch up on the musings of Andrew Bolt. He checks his middle compartment for some gold coins… All he can get his hands on his silver.




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