ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A popular local high school English teacher has had her understanding of cricket damaged this afternoon as her partner revealed plans to spend the day watching a game that won’t end in a result and doesn’t even count in the scheme of things.

Lucy Caldwell, of Betoota Heights, spoke to The Advocate after a short conversation with her girls-only WhatsApp group.

During that discussion with our reporters, Caldwell said she doesn’t understand why her fiance Tom Watson, would waste his time by watching the game.

“If it’s going to end in a draw and it doesn’t matter, then why is he watching it?” she said.

“Honest to God, the mind boggles. It’s a beautiful day outside and it’s a Saturday. We could be doing something else, something more productive. None of my friends get it either but most of their men are just the same,”

“I think it’s just one aspect of Tom I’ll never understand. And when any of my shows are on, he groans and says he’d rather fight forty goannas with his bare hands inside the chook pen. Whatever.”

Never the less, when The Advocate reached out to Mr Watson via mobile telephone this afternoon, he spoke at length about this fourth Test and the performance of each team’s players.

The 34-year-old was quick to defend Lucy and her ‘sincere but elementary understanding’ of the great sport but stopped short at admitting that he was spending his Saturday the wrong way.

“I’m on holidays which means I get to do what I want,” he said.

“Call me crazy, I just don’t feel like doing anything else right now. It’s fucking near 40 outside and the air con in here is just marvelous. This is far from a dead rubber. That knock from Alistair Cook earlier on in the Test was one of the greatest Ashes knocks of all time,”

“Plus the mental game right now. There is 100% going to be a result. A draw here for Australia is a huge victory given our position at the start of Day 4. A loss here for Australia is a massive defeat. It’s the same as me watching that Keeping With The Kurds or whatever it’s called. I can’t understand why anybody watches that narcissistic, commercially predatory garbage. Each to their own, I guess.”

More to come.


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